We spent many hours having discussions re: the direction my life should take in the foreseeable future and reached the conclusion that I really have no alternative but to leave the farm, and my newly built house and start all over, yet again! The reason being that my life has become one of almost total isolation and much as I love and need a certain amount of solitude I also need people and the stimulation they provide and too many aspects of my personality are unable to express themselves in my present isolation. This problem would be greatly alleviated if I had a car. Not only is the acquisition of a car totally impossible due to my lack of funds but even if it was financially viable I wouldn’t consider buying one for the simple reason that I’m an appalling driver and to drive in Africa you really have to know what you’re doing – many Africans drive without licences and frequently under the influence of alcohol – so a cool, clear head is required neither of which I possess. So my only alternative is to move a lot closer to town. I spend a small fortune on taxi fares so limit my visits to two or three a month but this means that with the exception of seeing Chenesa – my housekeeper – 3 times a week I can go for days without speaking to another human being. Not good for a girl’s soul and a huge contributory factor to my depression.
I was resistant to the idea initially; I love my home and in an ideal world I would be magically able to transport it to a site where there are other people I could interact with and my taxi fares hugely reduced because town would be so much more accessible. But it’s not an ideal world so to save my remaining sanity I have to leave the farm and my independence as a home owner and return to ranks of the renters. It’s not the end of the world although it does feel a little like that at the moment!
The intention was that I would build my house and remain here until the final curtain but alas! it’s not to be! We also discussed the possibility of my returning to London where I would be guaranteed work, appearing at conventions, making recordings for audio discs and getting in touch with my actress side again. I really think she needs an airing quite soon! I shall also install IT connection; I’ve already been offered a skype interview by an American company and it’s quite probable that other offers may follow. In essence I need to join the human race again! But, and it is a very large but, I have no-where to live in England, and lack the means to rent somewhere; I don’t doubt that I would receive massive support from mates and my favourite cousin Peter and his wife Heather until I found my feet again but the biggest but is…my babies. I can’t really see myself landing on a friend’s doorstop with four canines and expect the warmest of welcomes! And the bond between my babies and myself is so strong that I know it would break all our hearts to be separated. So right now a move to a house much nearer to town with IT facilities is the most obvious practical solution.
I was talking to my dear friend Jan Chappell earlier today (can you believe that we’ve known each other for around 50 years, spent 4 years working together on ‘Blakes 7’ and I still can’t remember how to spell her surname!) Mind you I’m medicated out of my mind at the moment; went to see my delicious Dr Ig (short for Ignatious) while Lee was here and he prescribed some rather effective tranquilizers which enable me to float through the days and not really give a shit) and I shall take them religiously until the trauma of leaving the farm is over. As Lee said, ‘whatever it takes babes, whatever it takes.’ But to get back to my conversation with Jan, when I told her I would be moving yet again, she said ‘it’s probably your Romany blood darling,’ and she could well have a point. There’s a lot to be said for genes.
I hope to have something to report re: my house move next time I write, so wish me love and a great deal of luck!
And I send love to you all and huge thanks for all your support. xxxxxxx